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Up in Arms
Written by VelvetLies

 

     It isn't easy being a pet on Aardwolf. From dust devils to zombies to store-bought unmentionables, many pets are now getting involved in a huge dispute with the Committee Representing Aylorian Pets. CRAP representatives are quick to point their fingers elsewhere, saying the issue of companion treatment is a global one. A release was issued from CRAP to the Midgaardian Publishing group claiming, "...the great city of Aylor is already strict about where pets are permitted within city limits. There simply is no reason, or opportunity, for us to monitor claims of mistreatment..." and went on to state "...the only jurisdiction we may hold would lie in the Estates territories, and so far we haven't seen any evidence of these alleged violations of the pets in those areas."

 However, no one disputes that the life of a manor pet, versus the demands of being a traveling companion are completely unmatched. One of the initial complaints filed on behalf of the great population of Proud Warhorses demanded Don't Call Us; We'll Call You! and went on to describe, in great detail, some of the most extreme cases. In some instances, victims were abandoned for weeks in dangerous areas like the Lower Planes, Rokugan, and the Deadlights to name a few. In other cases the environment was not as hostile, but the conditions were still poor. One witness spoke out about the cramped and dank bottom level of the Dungeon of Doom, noting that there were times pets would be crammed into single rooms in such high numbers they would have to take turns breathing and sitting down.

    The allegations are a striking contrast against the creatures' normal tendency to not feel up to talking, and CRAP experts are trying to identify the root of the upheaval. Some believe that things simply got too out of hand before the latest revision to pet ownership - a change which tightened identification regulations and temporarily restricted the origins of some potential companions. Accusations began to fly but a spokesman assured us at the last conference, "Each individual takes their role in CRAP very seriously. Committee decisions and guidelines are based on the entire CRAP findings of extensive CRAP research. Our reach is limited and in some cases we have to hold other authorities accountable for what is happening in areas they are responsible for, but you can bet we'll be cracking down on any activity violating CRAP policies regarding companion rights."

 As many know, the King of Mean is stationed just outside our reception area, so we thought we'd ask the Toughest of Tough, the garbage-hungry Incinerator Bot himself what his thoughts were on the promises he'd overheard. After a moment of consideration and a small belch of flame, he proclaimed, "it sounds like a load of bull."


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